Frequently Uttered Complaints

Feel the NEeD to complain. Start here and save bandwidth:

Following Feeesh's suggestion of 6th February:

"What about the idea of the NED FUC then, so some folks can say,
To thee I FUC -- 1, 2, 3, 17, 23, 141 !!!!!
and we all could look up the NED FUC and get on with scuba discussions!"

Feeesh says that I'm not to credit him with raiding the contents of his hard disk, so...

A contributor who wishes to remain anonymous has now searched through the archives for the months of January and February and has added a number of FUCs (pronounced 'foooks' on this side of the pond :-). I have done my humble best to categorise the collection so far, for your ease of use.

In a slight modification of Feeesh's original suggestion, each FUC can be referred to by quoting first the general category number, followed by a period (.) then the number of the FUC within the category. So, for example, 'Sheesh!' is FUC 5.1

And you thought duodecimal {sic} was difficult... :-)

1. General Grumbles:

  1. Hell, it just ain't no fun around here any more.
  2. Let's not get childish here.
  3. This is not rec.scuba.*
    {And for Ken: 1.3.1 This is not Scuba-L }
  4. I have no more time for YOUR nonsense and the like from others.
  5. You're casting pearls before a swine.
  6. You chink turd, you left out my site :-)
  7. I just couldn't BELIEVE that anyone with your cognitive powers would be out recommending these toys...
  8. A .sig more than 4 lines is pretty universally considered RUDE.
  9. SCUBA-L is not your personal forum for ranting and raving.
  10. Seriously group, you sound like a bunch of old ladies.
  11. You are either one of the stupidist persons I have run into, or at the very least, you think we are!
  12. You speak of wasted bandwidth but you like to quote 3 messages in their entirety when everyone has already read them.
  13. You're nothing but a HIC (Humor Impaired Countryboy)!
  14. You are putting words in my mouth and you are full of bunk!
  15. That may turn out to be a tad short of accurate.
  16. Speaking of a given FUC, does anyone even give a FUC?
  17. You have too much time on your hands!
  18. Your STATEMENT OF OPINION and the illogical innuendo that someone who does not behave the way you choose to do (even though you have not a shread of evidence that you know any of the risks in question), is COMPLETELY GRATUITOUS, unfounded, and an insult to ANY thinking-diver.
  19. Without wishing to seem offensive, I would have to say that, IMVHO, it may be a tad irresponsible to suggest {insert topic} on a recreational scuba forum, without saying so in the first place.

2. "Off-topic" Observations:

  1. I wouldn't mind seeing the spam kept to a minimum in favor of scuba oriented discussion.
  2. This is supposed to be a Scuba discussion list not a fifth grade English class.
  3. This sort of spam wouldn't be tolerated on any other mailing list I read.
  4. This AD is CLEARLY inappropriate in Scuba-L, and against USENET Guidelines.
  5. Why not post some scuba questions or relate some experiences?
  6. Does anybody else find this nonsense as objectionable as I do?
  7. I have read your posts and would consider almost every reply you send out to be an advertisement.
  8. Your long message had nothing to do with SCUBA! Dump it!
  9. P.S. - I do NOT have a wetsuit or sale and am not interested in hearing about ANY others for sale!!!!!!!!!! EVER AGAIN!!!! : )
  10. You are COMPLETE off-topic here!
  11. You have addressed NOTHING in my posting!
  12. You think we are quite stupid not to see through your scam, do you?
  13. I would suggest that those of you who think that ads are "OK" should get a clue.
  14. Lets keep it on SCUBA related topics while we still have a little control.

3. Anti-NED Admonishments:

  1. Could the people posting this nonsense please grow up?
  2. If you insist on continuing to pass childish notes, do so directly.
  3. Just because participants have been wasting peoples' time for years doesn't make their activity correct.
  4. By posting messages that most people don't want to read you are wasting everybody's time.
  5. You guys ever heard of e-mail ?
  6. The NED humor and other non-scuba crap gets on my nerves as well because it is a complete waste of my time.
  7. If this sillyness doesn't stop soon I am going to leave this group!
  8. I don't think that is appropriate for *membership* mailing list.
  9. Please take the sarcastic wit, jibes, barbs, humorous jousting and spelling corrections off-line and save us, the people who are here to find and discuss useful diving information, the blurred vision and arthritis of the delete finger.
  10. You're nothing but a NED Imposter!
  11. Well, let's look at this from a practical viewpoint (as opposed to the ever popular NED viewpoint, of course!).
  12. That Dang Feeesh is off on yet ANOTHER dive trip...
  13. Nobody gives a FUC.
  14. I'm getting close to figuring out the cast of characters here and along the way learned alot about diving and the art of war, both useful.

4. Informative Injunctions:

  1. QUIT MAKING JOKES that are too "deep". That tends to incite flame wars!!
  3. Lurk awhile before lecturing others on THIS LIST.
  4. Blow it out your regulator!
  5. You have the freedom to move on to a forum more to your liking.
  6. Chill out a bit, and open up a bit more.
  7. You have had informative posts on this list, why not carry on?
  8. For GAWD's sakes, spell it correctly as COCHRAN -- you don't want to give the nice folks Cochrane a bad name, do ya? :-)
  9. I'm trying to figure out if you joined this to communicate about SCUBA or what? If it's what, move it somewhere else!
  10. Let it go guys,....let it go, please let it go.
  11. Flame away... I'm a warm-water wimp and could use the heat.
  12. Even for a statistically useless tabloid "survey" based on a self-selected sample, shouldn't at least ONE of the two words in the name of the computer be spelled correctly?!?
  13. {vid. 4.8 and Cochrane Nemezis}
  14. I suggest you RE-READ what I wrote more carefully before you stick your fin in your mouth.
  15. Maybe you should read a little more carefully next time you want to duel!

5. Extraneous Exclamations:

  1. Sheesh!
  2. Sheeeeeesh!
  3. I wuz wrong, AGAIN!!!

The original of the grouper came from Jeff Kell's pages. Many thanks, Senor Hef.

6. Onomatapoeic Outpourings:

  1. Hehehehehehe..hahahahahhahahaha......bwahaahahahahahahhaa.....
  5. BWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.......hehehehehhehhe...... shit, there goes another monitor with coffee splatter!
  6. AAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghh!!

7. Querulous Questions:

  1. Perhaps it has not occurred to the more adolescent minded on our list that there are women on the list?
  2. Hey, who the hell told you to come in here and plant ferns?
  3. You think you won't find flaming on rec.scuba?
  4. Am I missing something or is Nilman just posting quotes?
  5. Haven't we had problems enough already with small furry rodents?
  6. Why don't you learn how to read, before you spout your crap about what *I* post because you MISREAD what I had to say?

8. Sexual Suggestions:

  1. Notice I did not use T&A or any other reference to lurid verbage of female anatomy.
  2. In Australia, we have a saying about men who talk about 'it' all the time ..... ..... similar to small feet but more specific!!
  3. Some post responses just seem to evoke a simple two word response. This is one of those ! F*ck Y*u !

9. Superfluous Sign-offs

  1. Doesn't ANYONE save the welcome message that informs you how to UNSUBSCRIBE from the list? Sheesh....
    {vid. 5.1}
  2. I want to sign off this mail list.
  4. Have you given any thought to unsubscribing through normal channels?
  5. Sing off Martin Lanthier
    {replace with recipient}
  6. Now you NEDs are going to have a SING Off! Will it ever end.
  8. Please unsubscribe me as fast as possible!!
  9. remove me from this list
  11. Is this the address to unsbuscribe?
  12. Will someone please kindly delete my email from the distribution list as I am not an Scuba Diving fan.
  13. I joined this list for a reason, and now I find that it's almost not worth the effort to sort thru all the crap re hashes of someone elses posts.
  14. Help, I'm trapped on Scuba-L

Aside: To answer Kuty's very reasonable point, I'll deposit Feeesh's instructions on how to sign off properly here:

Send the text: UNSUB SCUBA-L to:
from the SAME email account from which you subscribed to SCUBA-L.

10. Thunderous Threats

  1. If you are going to continue your mouth dance, you're going to be the subject of some serious FUC's!
  2. Those people are lying sacks of shit that should be pummelled into spitballs, flushed down toilets and then you should get nasty!!!

11. Flame Forms

This isn't really a FUC, but a collection in itself. On Wed, 1 Oct 1997, Lee Warren posted a prototype flame form, which I'm stealing to keep here for all to use. If you want to download a text version to paste into your flames, Shift-Click Here.
You are being Flamed Because:
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You reposted the same article________times in the last week
[ ] You either started or crossposted an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted a "me too" reply
[ ] You made an anonymous posting accusing others of cowardice
[ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs because you think that makes you cool
[ ] You omitted punctuation
[ ] You omitted spacing
[ ] You don't know basic English sentence structure, grammar, and/or spelling
[ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
[ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous (See "troll" above)
[ ] You replied to the above message type believing it was someone famous
[ ] Your sig/alias/server stinks
[ ] I think you might be a fed
[ ] You seem to have trouble with associations and can't hold a discussion properly
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway
[ ] Other:
To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Smash you modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Tell your Mommy you've been a bad boy/girl
[ ] Run your monitor/hair drier/toaster in the bath
In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] Get a life
[ ] You should have listened to your mother/father/teachers
[ ] Dropping out of the eighth grade was a bad move
[ ] Age 10 more years before posting again
[ ] You should seriously consider seeking professional help
[ ] I pity your bird
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] Yer mamma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
[ ] Get lost, you pathetic loser

Any further additions or categories, please let me know :-)

And for an almost comprehensive collection of biographies of the NED-izens of SCUBA-L, try Andrew's pages {Yes, I known mine is missing}

Back to my Scuba page